{"id":2533,"date":"2023-10-12T07:02:16","date_gmt":"2023-10-12T07:02:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stevensoifer.net\/?p=2533"},"modified":"2026-08-04T23:32:12","modified_gmt":"2026-08-04T23:32:12","slug":"overcoming-the-secret-of-shy-bladder-in-a-group-weekend-workshop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/2023\/10\/12\/overcoming-the-secret-of-shy-bladder-in-a-group-weekend-workshop\/","title":{"rendered":"Overcoming the Secret of Shy Bladder in a Group Weekend Workshop"},"content":{"rendered":"<style>\r\n\/* Main post wrapper *\/\r\n.Wp-steven-inner-data {\r\n    width: 100% !important;\r\n    max-width: 100% !important;\r\n    min-width: 0 !important;\r\n    box-sizing: border-box !important;\r\n}\r\n\r\n\/* Keep Gutenberg blocks inside the content width *\/\r\n.Wp-steven-inner-data .alignwide,\r\n.Wp-steven-inner-data .alignfull,\r\n.Wp-steven-inner-data .wp-block-columns,\r\n.Wp-steven-inner-data 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.Wp-steven-inner-data .heading-main-blog {\r\n        font-size: 20px !important;\r\n        line-height: 1.3 !important;\r\n    }\r\n\r\n    .Wp-steven-inner-data ul,\r\n    .Wp-steven-inner-data ol,\r\n    .Wp-steven-inner-data .numeric-padding {\r\n        padding-left: 22px !important;\r\n    }\r\n\r\n    .Wp-steven-inner-data .wp-block-table table {\r\n        min-width: 680px;\r\n    }\r\n\r\n    .Wp-steven-inner-data table th,\r\n    .Wp-steven-inner-data table td {\r\n        padding: 10px !important;\r\n        font-size: 15px !important;\r\n        line-height: 1.5 !important;\r\n    }\r\n}\r\n<\/style>\r\n\r\n\r\n<div class=\"wp-block-columns alignwide is-layout-flex wp-container-core-columns-is-layout-7387b849 wp-block-columns-is-layout-flex\">\r\n<div class=\"wp-block-column Wp-steven-inner-data is-layout-flow wp-block-column-is-layout-flow\">\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center has-vivid-red-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:20px\"><strong><em> Steven Soifer, Ph.D. MSW<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left margion-zero letterBig-steven post-summary-box wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:17px\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\"><strong>Imagine <\/strong><\/mark>going through life with a secret. You have difficulty urinating in the presence of others, either in public bathrooms or in your own home. This embarrassing secret limits your daily activities. Still, you have hope that you can someday overcome it. I have been working with people who have paruresis since about 1996, Having suffered from this anxiety disorder myself since the age of eleven. once I found effective treatment, I decided to dedicate myself to helping others with the problem. I co-founded <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:18px\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\"><strong>The International Paruresis Association<\/strong> (<strong>IPA<\/strong><\/mark><strong>  <\/strong><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#3095d4\" class=\"has-inline-color\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.paruresis.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">http:\/\/www.parure-sis.org<\/a><\/mark>), <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:18px\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\"><strong>The Shy Bladder Center<\/strong> (<strong>SBC\u2014<\/strong><\/mark><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#3095d4\" class=\"has-inline-color\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.shybladder.org\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">http:\/\/www.shybladder.org<\/a><\/mark>), and <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:18px\"><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\"><strong>The American Restroom Association<\/strong> (<strong>ARA\u2014<\/strong><\/mark><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);color:#3095d4\" class=\"has-inline-color\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.americanrestroom.org\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">http:\/\/www.americanrestroom.org<\/a><\/mark>).<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">Beyond a doubt, I have found that the most effective form of treatment for this problem is cognitive-behavioral therapy, which helps 80-90 percent of people with this issue. [ used this protocol to treat me, adopting the methods that my colleague, Dr. Jo- seph Himle, developed to treat individuals with paruresis in the early 1990s. Even though individual treatment is effective, another colleague and 1, Carl Robbins (the other co-founder of the IPA), decided to try treating paruresis in a weekend workshop format Very early in the game.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">I am getting ready to do a weekend workshop in an American City. As always, I am looking forward to hearing people&#8217;s stories, which are both familiar and different at the same time. There are 12 people awaiting me at 7 p.m., looking quite anxious. This time,\u201cJoe\u201d talks about the time he was bullied in<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-right has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#ff5656;font-size:14px\">Page 1<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-right wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:12px\"><em><strong>&nbsp;| <\/strong><\/em><strong><em>Riding the Mutual Aid Bus and Other Adventures in Group Work<\/em><\/strong><em><strong>&nbsp;| <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">he was bullied in the bathroom in public school. \u201cMary\u201d speaks about the time she was a kid trying to use the bathroom at home, and her brothers barged in teasing her. After we finish our stories, people are already less anxious, some having told a \u201csecret\u201d never shared with anyone before\u2014even spouses, significant others, or best friends. Unbelievable, I tell myself. Imagine being married for 25 years and hiding this little \u201cfact\u201d from your beloved. And someone never takes a vacation or has kids because of this little \u201csecret\u201d phobia. What a nightmare!<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">Saturday morning, people come prepared to \u201cfluid load\u201d and practice, many for the first time. To begin, I share information on the origins of paruresis, its mechanism (as we best understand it today), and typical symptoms people can experience. Paruresis, better known as shy bladder syndrome, afflicts about 7 percent of the U.S. population. Classified as a social phobia (DSM-IV-TR, 300.23), the major symptom is the fear of not being able to void in the presence of other people. It is a continuum disorder, so one person may suffer from an occasional bout that hardly interferes with his or her life, and others may become housebound because they believe that the only safe bathroom is in their own home. Paruresis afflicts men, women, and children in equal numbers. Interestingly though, probably because of the design of public restrooms, the ratio of males to females coming in for treatment is about 9:1.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">Next, I explain how the graduated exposure work will go for the weekend. The whole time, people are drinking fluids (instead of the typical dehydration people with paruresis will often do in group settings), so they will be ready to practice with their peers. At 10:15, people start their first practice session. These 45-minute sessions are done in pairs or groups of three, at least for the first few practice rounds. The idea is to have people practice peeing with others around in a safe environment. The \u201cclients\u201d are in charge of how close someone is to them. For the men, the ultimate goal is to be able to pee with someone standing behind them in the hotel room bathroom, thus simulating the experience of being in a public bathroom with a line-up behind you. For the women, the goal is simpler: to be able to go with someone outside the hotel bathroom door, perhaps talking to her to simulate the experience of someone bothering you to use the stall in a public bathroom situation.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">People gather after the first practice session, and you can feel a little excitement in the room. We debriefed the session, and \u201cTom\u201d explained how he couldn\u2019t believe he was peeing in 2 hotel bathrooms with someone else in the room. People share similar experiences, except \u201cJohn,\u201d who had difficulties. I&#8217;m going to have to work with him next round.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-right has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#ff5656;font-size:14px\">Page 2<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-right wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:12px\"><em><strong>&nbsp;| <\/strong><\/em><strong><em>Overcoming the Secret of Shy Bladder<\/em><\/strong><em><strong>&nbsp;| <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">Throughout the morning and afternoon, we continue this routine\u2014practice, debriefing, and sharing with others. By the end of the day, there is some electricity in the room. People are tired, some aching physically (having drunk more water, in some cases, than ever before), but there is a lot of happiness with their personal progress. Many in the group choose to go to dinner together with people who were strangers the night before and who now feel like \u201cbest buddies.\u201d Some, for the first time, are going out with a newly found sense of freedom. There are a lot of \u201chappy campers\u201d around the dinner table. People are so relaxed compared to the anxiety experienced last night.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">Sunday morning at 9:00, we gather again. The mood is significantly different than it was just 24 hours before. We do a check-in. and everyone but \u201cTom\u201d is palpably excited. He. unfortunately, is not doing well. He made a little progress yesterday, especially when I worked with him, but his anxiety is just too high to do this work and he is not presently on medications.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">People are ready for the next phase of practice, which requires them to go out to \u201csemi-public\u201d bathrooms, that is. isolated hotel public bathrooms, and practice there with a group of people from the workshop. Once again, people simulate the scenes that transform In public restroom situations, and people get used to them. through graduated exposure exercises, peeing near or next to others in these situations. Again, the safety of the group makes a big difference in people being able to do things they haven&#8217;t in 5, 10, 20. or even 30 years within the course of a weekend. This is often an exhilarating experience, as people report in the debriefing later that morning. Harry exclaims, \u201cI was able to pee next to someone at a urinal for the first time in decades!\u201d<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">After an exciting Junch, the third and final stage of workshop practice begins. People are ready to practice peeing in public rest-room situations in real life. This weekend, we are practicing at the largest regional mall in the area. Having fluid loaded, and together in groups, people go into these public restrooms with the safety of their \u201cpee-buddies\u201d and practice going with strangers present. Participants watch me stand at a urinal not peeing for 15 minutes\u2014and complaining about it\u2014to see that nothing bad happens and that one can practice \u201cnot peeing in public&#8221;\u2014that is, standing at the urinal and not peeing just to experience being in that situation and exposing himself to the feared situation. For \u201cJim,\u201d this is very therapeutic, and he feels it will be an important step in his recovery.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">After the last practice session, we reconvene to do a group wrap-up and also a written evaluation of the workshop. For the most part, people seem to be transformed-\u2014from  anxious, worried, and even <\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-right has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"color:#ff5656;font-size:14px\">Page 3<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-right wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:12px\"><em><strong>&nbsp;| <\/strong><\/em><strong><em>Riding the Mutua; Aid Bus and Other Adventures in Group Work<\/em><\/strong><em><strong>&nbsp;| <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\">frightened individuals on Friday, not knowing what to expect during the course of the weekend, to very happy people who experience a weight being lifted from their shoulders. The expression I use is to say that \u201cthe albatross is lifted from the neck.\u201d People reflect that they have made positive gains, have 3 sets of practice tools to use when they go home and can continue their progress on their own or in one of the many IPA support 8roups across the globe.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:19px\"><strong><mark style=\"background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\">In Conclusion,<\/mark><\/strong> Group work has turned out to be a great way to treat paruresis or shy bladder. The healing power of the workshops is truly amazing to witness. After each workshop, I am literally amazed at the transformation most people have undergone during the course of the weekend. These transformational stories have sustained my work in this area throughout the years, and I expect to be conducting IPA workshops for many more years to come.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center heading-main-blog has-vivid-red-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:22px\"><strong>Think About it<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"numeric-padding wp-block-list\">\r\n<li style=\"font-size:19px\">What is the importance of telling others your \u201csecret\u201d in relation to recovery?<\/li>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<li style=\"font-size:19px\">What added \u201ctherapeutic\u201d effect is there in working on an issue like shy bladder in a group setting versus counseling<br>one-on-one?<\/li>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<li style=\"font-size:19px\">What educational efforts can be made to inform people about stigmatized issues like paruresis?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center heading-main-blog has-vivid-red-color has-text-color wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:22px\"><strong>Additional Reading<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:18px;text-transform:capitalize\"><strong>McCullough<\/strong>, C. (2000). Free2r- 4 self-help guide for men with pary-resis.BALTIMORE, MD. IPA.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:18px;text-transform:capitalize\"><strong>Olmert<\/strong>, C. (2008). Bathrooms make me nervous: A guidebook for women with urination anxiety (shy bladder)WALNUT CREEK, CA: CJOB PUBLICATIONS,<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:18px;text-transform:capitalize\"><strong>Soifer<\/strong>, S., Zgourides, G., Himle, J, &amp; Pickering, N, (2001). Shy bladder syndrome: Your step-by-step guide to Overcoming paruresis.OAKLAND CA: NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n<p class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-paragraph\" style=\"font-size:18px;text-transform:capitalize\"><strong>Typaldos<\/strong>, S. (2009). The Secret Phobia: Stories from the Private Lives of Paruretics, written by people with \u201cshy bladder syndrome.\u201dHUNTINGTON BEACH, CA: HAVEN HARBOR.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n<\/div>\r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Steven Soifer, Ph.D. MSW Imagine going through life with a secret. You have difficulty urinating in the presence of others, either in public bathrooms or in your own home. This embarrassing secret limits your daily activities. Still, you have hope that you can someday overcome it. I have been working with people who have paruresis [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10076,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2533","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-publication"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2533","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2533"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2533\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10081,"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2533\/revisions\/10081"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/10076"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2533"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2533"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/demo.thebrandesign.com\/steven-soiffer\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2533"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}